29/08/2021 When it all comes down

All these years I have known that there will come the day when all unspoken troubles show up. Not as a friendly hello, hi there, but as the cold behind my shoulders. Now, it is here. With all these questions longing for answers. The moment we are confronted with uncontrolled situation, the auto pilot starts running. An automatic program of survival. The hour-by-hour, day-by-day sequences in which functioning is the only thought we have.

But it is not true. While doing things and planning the next ones, we seem to control the situation that we do not control at all. While writing these lines, I feel that the unexpected turn around is reality. I just do not know much about it.

That is exactly the reason why I made a decision right at the beginning of this tornado of events: to surrender. And by that I do not mean to give up in general. Just to give up the idea of control. Whatever is outside, it is caused there. I have neither the chance to heal others nor to cover up others’ wounds. I can only stay focused, listen for a while and give time and the necessary support.